Struggles

Hubby dear is back from his trip. It really felt like a long 'leave of absence', having to take care of the kids all by myself. I can’t tell you how happy and relieved I was to see him yesterday. He leaves again in a few days and hopefully this will be his last trip for sometime. It wasn’t so bad not having a second pair of hands around but there were times when I felt like pulling all my hair out (the few strands I have left).

I have been working real hard to maintain my sanity and patience. I have actually started counting till 10 before I respond to my child’s tantrums. And guess what, it does work.
A few days ago, D screamed real loud and banged a door out of frustration, something that I sometimes do. And as soon as it occurred, I froze! I was kicking myself for modeling the behavior to my child who of course conveniently picked it up because to him, it is behavior that is acceptable. Why? Because mama does it too!

Hubby dear is even tempered. I have rarely seen him lose his cool but when he does, it can be quite intense. But like I said, it is a rarity. His temperament is something I wish I had-calm and collected. He is extremely patient and tolerant, particularly when dealing with the kids. I told him the other day that “next time, you find me raising my voice, stop me, signal me, throw me out of the room…do whatever it takes to get me out of the situation”.

Yesterday, since he was home after almost a week, I decided to cook a nice meal. The meal turned out well but A refused to eat it. She has been acting up lately during dinner time. Yesterday was the third night in a row of not eating anything at night. It really hurts me when I cook a meal, after spending a long and hard day at work and the kids reject it. As expected, I got mad. I raised my voice a bit but stopped. Started counting when Hubby dear quietly took the bowl from my hand and made an attempt to feed her. He took her out of her seat as she was squirming in it and fed her while she was busy doing something else. He didn’t succeed in finishing the whole bowl but managed to put a few spoons in her mouth.

I know I have to pick my battles and I try but it’s been a struggle. I know I have to manage my temper and flare ups but it’s been a challenge. I also know that this is just the beginning. As the kids grow up, the nature of disagreements will be a lot more complex than what they are now. We will probably get into tussles about education, dating, drugs, safe sex…who knows what’s in store for us. And I am certain that I am going to look back to these events and wish my kids were still toddlers….because life was simpler!