A Bleak Future

My mother is showing early signs of dementia. She is acutely forgetful nowadays, sounds repetitive with her questions and observations.

She is 73 years old.

Dementia does not run in my mom’s family. It run in my dad’s. My paternal grandmother (Aita) eventually succumbed to Alzheimer’s, when she was 83 years old, almost 15 years ago. Alzheimer’s debilitated her. She regressed and suffered quietly. We all became strangers to her including the 8 kids she raised. It was a sad end to a vibrant life.

Is my mother on the same path as Aita? I don’t know, am not sure. But after yesterday’s conversation with her, I feel this enormous sense of hopelessness, fear of what the future holds for us. She sounded foggy and incoherent as I tried to wrap my head around her mental state.

It breaks my heart to see this once successful, brilliant, sharp woman losing herself to this illness. Granted, our memory becomes weak as we age but the rate at which hers is failing is rather scary. I worry for her tremendously and for my father, who has become her primary care giver. She also has diabetes which makes her situation even more complicated. She has been on insulin for almost a decade now. Her sugar level yo-yos just like my weight although dad has managed to keep it under control most of the time.

I have to admit, without dad’s constant care and diligence, I am not sure if mom would have survived this long. We all know that doctors make the worst patients-mom is a quintessential example of this notion. My dad is keeping her alive and for an 82 year old man, it’s not an easy feat.

I go home in a few weeks to be with them. No kids, no hubby accompanying me. This trip is just for my parents-to spend some quality time with them. I look forward to seeing them again but my trepidations get the best of me. My mom’s condition will obviously not progress so quickly but even the slightest change in her mental state will make it harder for me to accept the reality of it all. Why her? How much worse is it going to get? How will we take care of her? Is it going to be as difficult and painful as it was when Aita was struck with the disease? What changes do we need to make in order to accommodate this creeping disease?

Too many questions but no solid answers. I don’t know what’s to come but hopefully it will become clearer as we face the inevitable.