First Disciplinary Note

The note came yesterday duly signed by the teacher. I hoped that D will not get any but I guess I was wrong. Who was I kidding?

I am mighty proud of how I handled the situation given my short fuse. Instead of piling on to him, I tried to understand his perspective and it helped me keep my calm.

The note said that ‘D did not follow directions during centers’ and requested parents to talk to their ward about the importance of appropriate behavior.
My gentle, reserved, shy son defied his teacher by not forming a word and writing his name with magnetic letters during center time. When I questioned him, he said, someone else dumped all their letters on his pile and he couldn’t do what he was supposed to do. And that he put his head down for a few minutes because he wanted to which according to him was not approved by his teacher, Miss. Smith.

His story and actions made some sense to me and I am certain that he didn’t mean to not listen to his teacher. I think he just couldn’t articulate to his teacher why he couldn’t carry out the task and also it didn’t quite cross his mind to let his classmate know that what she did hampered his activity.

He was upset talking about this whole incident for he is one who doesn’t like it when someone calls out his mistakes. He will throw a fit, a tantrum refusing to accept blame and fault. He still has to understand that mistakes happen, all the time-that it is ok to makes errors, that we can learn a great deal from them, become better. I am not worried about this because they are people well into their adulthood who still dont get it. (Oh yeah- I have blood relatives who drive me nuts with their arrogance and supreme egos.) And he is just 5. I think comprehension will come from a whole load of reinforcement.

Hence, when I brought the note up last night, he was haughty in the beginning but after much explanation, he came around. I ended up telling him that listening to his teacher is his first and foremost duty and that he needs to share, communicate as best he can if he feels something or someone is hindering his abilities. That he also needs to bring it to his teacher’s attention. This is the problem with public schools. There are 21 kids in his class- a huge number for one teacher to manage and take care of. Given the size and composition of the class, it is impossible for the teacher to give her utmost attention to each kid and keep track of what each does every single minute. Hence a lot of it depends on the kid as well. I know it is hard to teach a 5 year old the importance of standing up and articulating his needs precisely, especially if the temperament of the kid in question is mild mannered but this is something both hubby dear and I have been telling him repeatedly. He needs to be told, he needs to understand that if he doesn’t, he will be taken advantage of and perhaps even bullied. Yes, the B word – it gives me nightmares when I think of my son.

With a heavy yet patient heart, I signed the note and placed it back in his folder. I told him that he needs to apologize to his teacher for not listening and inform her that he will be more attentive in the future. He was OK at the end of it all. I think he understood what happened yesterday at school is unacceptable and not appreciated not just by his teacher but his parents as well. Well, we will have to wait and see - after all, it was a mistake on his part and there is a lesson to be learned from it. Until then, I will keep my fingers crossed and pray that I do not see another note in his folder.

Note: While I am getting all het up and blogging about this dreaded 'note', guess what hubby dear's reaction is. He says, "well, he is not the only one to get a note, you know. I am sure most kids do." Although he doesn't dismiss it entirely and that there is a whole lot of truth in what he says, I just can't get how relaxed he can be about it. I guess it is a man thing. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that it was not really a serious offence on D's part. At least I didn't get a note that said my child bit, spit or made fun of someone in class. I better not...and if I do..well, will deal with it then!