Arranged or Love, doesnt really matter. You gotta work on it!

For a long time I was one of those people who didn’t quite believe in arranged marriages. I was certain I was going to fall in love, do the dating scene before I got hitched! And with my brother’s ‘arranged marriage' failing, I certainly wasn’t going to go down that path.

Until I met Hubby dear….

Our meeting was set up, unbeknownst to me. My aunt invited me for dinner on a weekday. I was a little surprised to be called for dinner on a Monday but didn’t really quite think about it. After all, who would want to not give up Maggi or some watery chicken soup for a nice, home cooked meal? So, the unsuspecting me said YES!
My aunt knew that if she shared the real reason for the invitation, I would have rejected it. I was totally against these so called ‘set ups’ and had no inclination or interest in meeting someone this way.

The evening turned out to be quite enjoyable with me chatting Hubby, the introvert, away to glory! I went about talking to him just like I would with someone I meet at a friend’s party.We had a very casual yet pleasant conversation and for many reasons he struck a cord in me. I think in retrospect, it was good that I didn’t know what was going on as I would have been awfully conscious (that is if I ended up going!) and awkward about the whole situation. So I was me - vivacious, energetic and enjoying meeting someone new. And his cuteness and mannerisms brought out the flirt in me! Of course!

I enjoyed his company and our conversations so much that I was a little sad when it was time for him to leave. He had flown in from the US the night before and the airlines lost his luggage. So he needed to go back to the airport that evening to claim his lost baggage. Damn airline!.

My cousins and aunt were all smiling sheepishly and one of them actually started teasing me about him and funnily enough, I found myself feeling bashful and coy.
The next day, my aunt asked me if it was OK for her to give him my number and I said, 'yes', of course happily, still suspecting nothing. A glorified single by then (after almost a 4 year emotionally draining relationship), I was ready to meet new people including potential and prospective husbands.

At that time, I was my parent’s one and only concern. The fact that I was still single, not in any relationship and haven’t found anyone to ‘settle down’ worried them to bits. My father used to call me almost every morning to find out if I met ‘someone’. My standard response to him was, “B, I just spoke with you yesterday. How can I meet someone in 24 hours? If I do, you will be the first person to know!” Same conversation, every other day!

Until then, my parents were trying to set up meetings with men which were, let’s just quite disastrous. Finally, I had to give them an ultimatum and my message to them was loud and clear- STOP SCOURING FOR ME!!. If I were to find someone suitable and eligible, I will inform them and they can take it from there. That was the understanding we had. So after this fateful meeting, I remember calling home and telling my mother that I met someone quite nice and that maybe, she and dad should also help me find out more about him. Although I had no clue that both of them knew what was transpiring and they too were playing along! So much for someone who considers herself clever and intelligent. Sigh!

Anyway, to make a long story short, Hubby dear and I ended up pursuing each other. We met a few more times before his return trip and he popped the question the day before he flew back to the US. He came to India as a bachelor looking for his soul mate and he left finding one!

Was I peeved about being kept in the dark? I was, initially a bit upset but as I spent more time with him, I was actually quite thankful and grateful to my aunt for playing cupid, something she is quite proud of, even now.

Ours is an arranged marriage in every sense. I shocked and surprised my friends and colleagues by saying ‘yes’, to the extent that when I informed them of my engagement which was evident in the beautiful diamond that adorned my ring finger, they dismissed it as my mother’s!!! It took a while for them to realize and accept that this damsel really said YES to someone she just met for a few days!

It will be 8 years this May. And I must admit, it has been a wonderful journey. We both are complete opposites. He is reserved and quite whereas I am flamingly extroverted! I guess this difference in personalities help us compliment each other the way we do. Ours is a marriage built on trust, respect, love and most importantly understanding. Sounds cliche' all right but I think these are the very elements that make this institution strong and worthwhile, whether it is arranged or love. It does not really matter how you met, whether you courted one another or had the time to fall in love. It boils down to two people working on it. With utmost dedication, sincerity and patience. It is truly a work in progress. Marriages need commitment and accountability, all the time.

You would think I am a practical person when it comes to love and relationships. I am not. I am a die hard romantic whereas Hubby dear is not. I am the kind of person who, once upon a time, loved to be wooed with roses, chocolates, candle lit dinners et al. These things are important to add some spark to the relationship or to romance things up but not really so when it comes to making it tick. One of the biggest lessons I have learned in these years of married life is acceptance. Accepting the other for who he or she is, focusing on their strengths and not obsessing on their weaknesses are some things that are key and I must admit, we both are getting pretty good at it! It is tough no doubt but we make a conscious effort. We do have disagreements but our fights are rare.
And with two beautiful kids now, I have more to look forward to in life with this man – my partner and my best friend.