Screamer

I scream at A for peeing in her pants despite being fully aware that it was just an accident. Well, what can I say-I have a short fuse. Something I still need to work on and take control of. I say still because I have been struggling with this for a while now. It is one of my greater flaws.

Later, feeling horribly guilty for exercising my wrath on my sweet little child, I humbly ask for her forgiveness.

Darling, I am so sorry for screaming at you a few minutes ago. I know it was an accident. Accidents happen and you are just 3 years old. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like I did. I am very, very sorry. I say.

She looks at me, gives me a big wide grin and says, It’s O.K, Mama. Don’t feel bad. You can scream at me but once in a while only…all right? Ah, did I ever tell you how much I adore my little girl?

Her comment obviously implies that I scream more than I should at my kids. And I do, I have to be honest. I love them as well as admonish them with equal intensity and depth. I am very passionate that way. But after this conversation, I am beginning to have dreadful visions of ending up with a ‘screamer’ reputation. No matter how many good deeds you do in your lifetime, it’s always the bad ones that people tend to remember. Such is life after all. Therefore if I don’t amend my ways, I am likely to be labeled as a high strung, inconsiderate and insane mom. ‘My mama used to holler all the time’ or ‘mama was a yeller’ is what I hear my kids saying about me in a few years!

I better get my act together before the damage is done and is irreparable. Jeez, I have so much to work on. As I go through this reflective moment, I remember the phrase my father used with me when I was a kid, you have a lot of growing up to do, my dear girl. Evidently, it applies to me even now as much as it did then.