Striking The Balance

What’s in a school lunch box can really spark a myriad of thoughts. One can build stories around the lunch box contents- who prepared it-the mom, dad or someone else? Was it home-cooked with a lot of TLC or store bought and thrown in to the box in a jiffy?

I remember my tiffin at school. I wasn’t particularly fond of what I took to school- what was put in that tiny red and white square box. In fact, there were times when I was ashamed of the contents. It often used to be a bread and jam sandwich with maybe some biscuits or sweets thrown in for an after lunch snack. Nobody wanted me to share my tiffin with them. I didn’t have a warm chicken sandwich to offer or fried rice or roti with yummy paneer curry and mango pickle. None of that. My lunch was boring, insipid in a plain looking container. On rare occasions, when I had something delectable or yummy, I flaunted and offered it generously to everyone around me.

I blamed my mother for this. Not because she didn’t come up with a better menu for my lunch box but because she was a working mom and just didn’t have time to fix my lunch box in the morning. She used to leave for work before I left for school delegating this task to one of the maids. And often, she didn’t even have the time to properly train the help in the house. I remember secretly admiring many of my friends stay at home mom’s- the traditional homemakers who waited for them with warm milk and cookies as they returned from school, who made fabulous mutton curry and fried rice, who knitted sweaters and woolly scarves, and sowed clothes for them. I wished and prayed my mom was like any other moms I knew.

And the truth of the matter is I still wish she was a stay at home instead of this successful, independent, ambitious person she is. She is in her 70’s now and is still working. I admire her commitment , determination and her need for success, to be ‘numero uno’ in everything she does. She has had a tremendous track record as a no nonsense lady who will fight tooth and nail for the less fortunate, for someone who she felt was compromised or shortchanged. She is honesty personified. I am extremely proud of her but despite her successes and indomitable presence, I feel I lost out a lot growing up. She mothered her career not her kids.

I often wonder if my mom struggled as much as I do in finding the right balance between work and home life. She committed herself wholeheartedly to her job and it definitely paid off no doubt but at what costs? At the cost of losing her identity as a mom to her kids? At the cost of her child wishing that she stayed at home and not work?

Why am I bringing this up now? Well, I have two kids of my own now and being their mother has helped me realize and understand the power of motherhood. It is powerful, daunting yet so fulfilling. I work too. I have a flourishing career but nothing I do at work is more satisfying and important than my duty as a mom to my children. Whether I am helping them get ready, or reading a story at bedtime or screaming at them for not listening, it is worth every single moment. It is all about them, who they are and what I hope for them to become. I would rather get to work late than do a shoddy job with the lunch box. I want my kid to eat well and stay focused at school. I want him to know that I care what he eats at school as much as I do at home. I want him to flaunt his tiffin contents proudly.

The debate between SAHM and working moms is never ending and quite an interesting one at that. For a long time, I would favor working moms and wonder how a person can just bide away her time staying at home. How much can one do with the kids? Don’t they get bored? Don’t they want to do something worthwhile, constructive instead of whiling away time at home? But of course, there was this tremendous shift in perspective when I had my babies. Now I often contemplate quitting and spending more time with my kids but I know that it is probably the worst decision I could ever make. I was talking to a dear friend last night who just informed me that she quit her job and is planning not to return to work for at least a few years until her daughter starts school. It is commendable that she is able to make such a decision. She sees this as an opportune time to take this step, be the mother she wants to be to her child. I wish her all the luck. I know that as much as I wish I stayed at home, I will start missing work as soon as I do so. So it really is a Catch 22 for me. But I know that no matter how much I enjoy being financially independent and acquiring new skills with a progressive career, I would give up my job in a heartbeat if I feel it is the right thing to do.